My Top 3 Cultural Blunders

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.
Elbert Hubbard

My wife could verify that 1) I'm not at all afraid to make cultural blunders and 2) I am quite proficient in doing so. My top 3 cultural blunders:

3) The Interlock-I find a seat at hospital morning chapel and settle into singing the Kenyan praise song, "We will praise you in the morning, We will praise you in the noontime, we will praise in the evening, we will praise you all the time." We finish singing and the pastor requests that we hold hands with our neighbors. So I reluctantly (like every man feels) go in for the clasp handshake with the man to my right and the man to my left. I'm thinking the only decision here is: Do I go palm forward or palm backward? Oh no. It's much different here in Kenya. My neighbor goes for the interlock...every finger no less and even the thumbs. And it was a good prayer the pastor prayed, but also such a long, long prayer. I still believe it was the longest prayer I've ever head in my life.

2) The Air Shake - The first thing I tell any Western visitor is that greeting Kenyans by shaking hands is very important. A simple hello, or nod...just does not work here in Kenya. Even if you enter a room with 20 strangers...you still take the time to shake every one of their hands even the children. I'm pretty much a hand-shaking madman now. I shake when we meet, some time in the middle of the conversation, and at least once or twice as we leave just to cover all my bases. It was my second day in the dental clinic and the following lady was my patient I went in right-handed for a hearty handshake and came up empty...a complete air shake. Strange...I thought. Next to her was her mother so I tried again with a right palm coming up high with my hand near my ear and swooping down right in front of her waist. But nothing...the patient's mother didn't even raise her hand. Another air shake. Before I could manage strike 3 in hands shakes with her sister...a kind Kenyan pulled me aside to say, "Somali woman do not shake hands with men."

1) The Kiondo -I really had some heavy dental supplies that were donated that I wanted to bring up to the dental clinic. I had seen many Kenyans using a Kiondo to carry fruit and vegetable with the strap around their forehead. I was told that using the head and the muscles of the neck with the weight of the material on your back is the best way to carry a heavy load. So I loaded up my Kiondo with dental anesthetic and instruments and walked up to the hospital. Well, have you ever had a moment where everyone is looking your direction and pointing and laughing and so you turn 180 degrees to look behind to see what is so funny...and then you realize there is nothing behind you but wide open space. And then you know they are laughing at you and you have to turn back around and acknowledge their laughter. So thanks...only later did I find out that men do not carry anything in Kenya (even their child)...and especially not a Kiondo strapped around their head.

Does anyone have a cross-cultural blunder they would like to share?

"Have Missionaries Lost Their Chariots of Fire?"

Does the term missions itself hold a negative connotation?

What do you think of Francis Assisi's often misused quote, "Preach the Gospel always, and if necessary, use words."?

Has the pendulum of missions swung too far from spreading the Gospel to the ends of the earth to fighting social injustice?

How has missions changed in Africa now that the majority of the pool of potential converts is not up for grabs (90% are already Christian or Muslim)?  

Are we directing Christian Missionaries to the right locations (82% of missionaries go to the Christian 3rd World)?

   If you have ever wondered about some of these questions go to:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704895204575321101671590716.html

to read Brad Greenburg's column in the Wall Street Journal entitled "Have Missionaries Lost Their Chariots of Fire?"

By all means if you have an opinion share it in the comments!

9 Ways To Identify A Missionary (Part II)

(I’m trying something different. There are plenty of blogs with political satire, parenthood satire, celebrity satire, but no missionary satire that I’m aware of.  This should be funny.)

6-  All missionaries have a prayer card and we never look that good in real life.  You know what I am talking about those cards with photos of the missionary family smiling, a snappy phrase up above, and always an “if you would like to partner in our ministry” that we all have sent out or given to you.  We really do wonder...,do they make it on anyone’s fridge?     

This is our Prayer Card....

     A more typical picture of our family (minus the giraffe) might look something like the above.  Sara is squeezed out of the picture, Amelia has a pouty face, Meredith is scared, and Malin has his eyes closed.

7- Missionaries have particularly white skin. I mean most western missionaries are white. But after living on the equator in year round sun at 6000 feet we have no excuse in Kenya to be looking like we just spent a winter in Fargo, North Dakota.  If part of being a missionary is blending in with the culture.  Its time to get just a little tan.  We need to go cross-cultural with our epidermis.

   

8-Missionaries sound different.  If I were to say to my patient,  “How can I help you?  What’s going on with your tooth?” it would elicit a blank stare from my Kenyan patients (I know my Swahili should be better).  But if I were to say, “Tell me where the pain is biting you.  Are your teeth shaking? Do you have potholes in your teeth?  Do you want your tooth upended?” I’d be understood and a nudge to the offending tooth.   We adapt to be understood. 

9-Missionaries have big families.  More Kids means More Money.  It’s true.  Missionaries may be the only occupation I know of who earn an instant raise the moment they have another child.  Almost all mission agencies (appropriately so) set a monthly stipend for their missionaries based upon the size of their family.  Little Johnny is born and Bam... up goes their salary.  I always though the Duggar family with 19 kids and counting (featured on TLC network) would be a great missionary family (I don’t think Jon and Kate and their 8 would still make the cut).   Why would the Duggars be great missionaries?   The Duggars are Christian.  They built their own house.  They homeschool.  Because of their publicity as reality TV stars I think they could easily raise support.  And my rough calculations show that with 19 children the Duggars would be living comfortably at a 200 K plus stipend per year, and their family is just getting started.  And can you imagine sitting between the Duggar kids on a 12 hour plane ride to Amsterdam?

9 Ways To Identify A Missionary (Part 1)

 

(I’m trying something different. There are plenty of blogs with political satire, parenthood satire, celebrity satire, but no missionary satire that I’m aware of.  I think its about time.  Let’s be clear.  This should be funny.)

1- Missionaries wear funny clothing. I never intended to where bright-striped Kikoi shirts with tassels. I don’t think Sara imagined herself in Kanga dresses with large shoulder pads. But I’m telling you as my shirts begin to look like I was worked over in a rugby game. And as all of Sara’s dresses have strangely faded to the same shade of gray, those Kikoi shirts and Kanga dresses become really tempting. So at your next church mission conference if you see a missionary dressed like a banana, cut them a little fashion slack. (Regardless, I think Amelia looks pretty cute in Red/Yellow striped Kikoy and seashells.)  

2- Missionaries throw car safety rules out the window. My first week at Kijabe I see 8 MK’s hanging off the roof rack of a Toyota Land Cruiser bumping down the road. The next day I see a baby girl in Mommies lap cupping the steering wheel rounding the corner Britney Spears style. (I think the baby honked at me too?) Last week I see four teenagers perched on the doors of a Landrover like they are windsurfing. I don’t pretend to understand this recklesssness, but on the other hand I think the car seat Nazis back in America have gone too far (8 years old and/or 80 pounds)? By this standard, once my small daughter Amelia reaches 16 years of age she may have to take her drivers test sitting in a Graco Snug Ride.  

3- Missionaries can’t dance. Its a strange thing to live on a continent where tribal dancing is about as natural and common as breast feeding in public; and not be able to dance. Go to a mixed church in Kenya and watch the congregation during the praise time. The Kenyans fall into a comfortable, beautiful, African rhythm. Then look over at the missionary. He wants to dance to fit in, but he’s really terrified inside. But he’s smart; he looks to the left to see how they are dancing. Then he jumps in; Clapping on the offbeat, shuffling his hips a little but not too much, and bouncing his neck like a bobble-head. Then the internal debate begins, do I dance with elbows in pinned to my waist or elbows out like wings. You know the flower firecrackers../that when lit spins wildly and jumps randomly; well that describes it.  

4- Missionaries seem to always be on "Furlough." What is Furlough? It is the time when a missionary leaves the field to come home. According to Webster’s Dictionary Furlough has 3 definitions: 

1) A leave of absence or VACATION. (that doesn’t look good to your sponsors) 

2) A temporary layoff from work. (It's not a good thing to be laid off when the Big Guy is your boss). 

3)A leave of absence from a prison for a prisoner (Did the missionary break-out from the compound or dutifully serve his full sentence?).  

The connotations of furlough proved to be about as positive for the missionary as the the former mascot “The Crusader” was for the Wheaton College student. Just like the Crusader; Furlough has also been discarded. So what is the current preferred term? A missionary now takes a “Home Assignment;” implying a task, a duty, a post or a position. Much more dignified!  

5- Missionaries are longwinded. 

I know when I meet someone and they start talking about their trip to China and all the cultures, towns, language, and people they met. Well, if the story is longer than a few seconds my eyes glaze over as all I can think of is, “But did you get to walk on The Great Wall?”   So if I start talking about the Meru tribe, on the NE slope of Mt. Kenya, in Eastern Africa and their Bantu origin and your eyes glaze over...I’ll understand. You just want to know if I saw a lion on safari?

More Missionaries or More Millionaires?

Arthur S. DeMoss began his life working as a bookie. He owned three Cadillacs by age 24. A year later, DeMoss turned his life over to God and said, "'I'm gonna give my life to full-time Christian service." 

It was asked of De Moss if he was going to be a missionary and leave the life of business. He said, "Oh, no. We have enough missionaries. We need people who will make a huge amount of money to support missionaries.'" DeMoss then proceeded to turn a home based company into one of the largest health insurance companies in the country.  At the time of his death at age 53, his estate was estimated at 350 million dollars.  DeMoss stayed true to his word to support missionaries (His politics aside). Over half of his estate was used to support ministries like Prison Fellowship, Samaritan's Purse, Bibles for Little Ones, and Africa Ministries.   I guess he became what he wanted to be; a Christian Millionaire.  

      It's common in developing world missions for presenters to use pictures like the one below in blogs (I've done it), newsletters, powerpoint presentations, etc to make a point.   

But I wonder what is that point?  Is it that we live in a sinful and often corrupt world where too many people are stricken by poverty, sickness, despair, and hunger?  Or is the point that poverty, sickness, despair, and hunger exist because there is an income discrepancy between you (the reader) and those you are gazing upon? 

I think guilt as a motivation to giving for missions is probably highly effective in the short term.  We are all swayed by our emotions after seeing breathtaking photos of little ones in dirty clothes, no shoes, and sad faces.  And it produces tremendous responses to disasters the likes of Hurricane Katrina, and the earthquake in Haiti.  And there is probably something to righteous guilt...something inside you (Holy Spirit) pressing you that there are wrongs that need to change and you have the financial wherewithal to do something.  

 

But in the long term using guilt and emotive pictures is a questionable tactic for many reasons.  First, God desires of us a generous, happy, and content giver; not a grumpy, reluctant, skeptical giver.  Second, we can never give away enough to make the poor rich (we can't and shouldn't try to make African groups in to middle class Americans).  Third, earning legitimate money should not bring about guilt.      

So, while I would disagree with De Moss that we have enough missionaries (there are still far too many sick, unreached, and poor). I wholeheartedly agree that we need more people "who make a huge amount of money to support missionaries."  And people who are talented, content, driven, and lead to do as such.  

More Than Crumbs

      In an old missionary autobiography, the author describes how the only support his family received was the left over crumbs.  When back visiting their home church on furlough, first the regular offering plate would go around.  Then the second plate would go around and his family would watch, just hoping their was enough for his family to survive.  All the time seeing the offering plate not as an act of generosity, but more akin to panhandling.  He claimed that while in Africa they received such donations as used tea bags (Does a teabag still have flavor after 6 months?).  Living off a crumbs reminded me of these 3 warthogs balanced on their knees scrambling to snort up the left-overs.  Fighting over crumbs.  

Our experience has been just the opposite.   Rather than scrambling for crumbs, your support for our family and the medical/dental ministry in Kenya has been abundant, thoughtful, and creative.  

A class of Sunday school students sending cards and pictures to Amelia and Meredith and adopting them into their class.  The girls read and reread every card.   

A seller on Amazon refunding my purchase fee on a used Christian book after accidentally finding out we were missionaries with Samaritan's Purse.  He insisted he send the book at no cost.  Thanks, I will probably never know who you are.

Faithful family, friends, and churches who month after month give generously to our project account.  Seeing your name every month provides encouragement and accountability.

A women's group who knits warm hats for premature babies in the NICU.  Little heads are warm.

The care packages of things we can't get in Kenya (chocolate chips, stickers, home-made t-shirts for the girls, Starbucks coffee, Poptarts, Crystal Light).  A taste of home is appreciated.  

The one time donations at times from strangers that comes just at the right time to support a project in need.  We are often surprised.

A waitress nearly 2 years ago who was at church the same day of our missions conference and paid our dinner tab. I'm sure out of her own salary, not the restaurant.  Thank-you.  

And all the other unspoken prayers and encouragement we may never know about.  I assure you it has all been exceedingly More Than Crumbs.

  

When Can You Throw In the Towel?

When can you leave a job or a ministry? Are there areas that are not ripe for the harvest? What are legitimate reasons for "throwing in the towel"? Did Jesus ever give his disciples permission to simply move on? And how can we know what those reasons are?

The 10/40 Window has been one of the most successful and convenient marketing missionaries tools in the last 10 years. Who hasn’t seen a map of the 10/40 window? Guthrie in "Missions in the Third Millenium" writes:

The 10/40 window is an imaginary box drawn between 10 and 40 degrees of longitude, encompassing parts or all of 62 countries in Africa and Asia and a bit of Europe.... Some 3.1 billion people, approximately half of the worlds population live in the Window... This area is the epicenter to Islam, Hinduism, and Buddhism. 82 percent of the world’s poor live here. 29 of the 62 countries that have the lowest quality of life based on life expectancy, infant mortality, and literacy reside in the Window.

Despite the apparent emphasis on the 10/40 window...only 3 percent of the global missionary force is there and 0.01 percent of Christian ministry funds go here (We aren't there either, Kenya is south of the Window). That all makes me feel sad and guilty..like the Church has really misdirected many of its resources or that maybe we have been unwilling to go where we are needed most. Where it is hot, ruled by law of another religion, and potentially unstable.

I wonder what God would think about how our resources have been spread? Would God want a missionary to remain in an unreached area for several decades with no openness to the Gospel (but maybe seeds are planted)? Does God want more missionaries going to areas like Latin America where evangelical and protestant churches are exploding (but many of these populations have multiple chances to hear the Gospel in a meaningful way)? Does God need more ministers in Europe and in the City where churches are empty and Christianity is dwindling? Isn’t it just a matter of going where the most need is (when you lift a heavy log you go to the end where no one else lifts)? Can we distill the Great Commission down to a geographic window and some telling statistics?

I don’t know who can answer these questions. But I do think God would be saddened that there is still so much poverty, illiteracy, rape, hunger, violence, corruption, and despair in the Window. Also one wonders is the despair in the Window because these areas have not been reached by the transforming power of the Gospel?

Missions needs to go to these areas. But I don’t think guilt is the right response to get people there, or the right response if they go and do not stay. When Jesus sent out the 12 disciples he gave them few instructions (bring nothing but a staff and wear sandals). Jesus might tell his 12 disciples where to go, when to begin, how many people should go together, what should be preached, what activities to involve themselves, or even ultimately what was their purpose. But Jesus didn't tell them any of these things. Jesus gave them this final command.

And if any place will not welcome you or listen to you,
shake the dust off your feet when you
leave, as a testimony against them (Mark 12).

Jesus compels James, John, Peter, and so forth that if they are 1) not welcome or 2) not listened to they should leave. If you have come and spoken, but are not wanted or not heard... Jesus tells you to walk away. Am I suggesting we shake the dust off our feet at the 10/40 window, our churches, our jobs, our communities. Of course not. Blessed are the persecuted. His followers will be hard-pressed and afflicted. No, these places need determined missionaries, pastors, relief agencies, neighbors, friends. God's light needs to shine. They need His grace. But we must also reserve the permission and courage to leave when we are not welcome or heard; and then follow His will elsewhere.

Should Mission Hospitals Be Self-Sustainable?

Is it reasonable for Mission Hospitals to operate such that patient fees are sufficient to cover all of the outgoing expenses?  Or simply put, should mission hospital be able to financially stand on their own two feet without help from outside donations? 

Yes.  

Christian mission hospitals should and must stay afloat on their own via patient fees without depending upon outside donations.  This is the only hope these hospitals have to last and provide any type of long term medical and spiritual impact on the community they serve.  

First, it is quite reasonable to expect that missions hospitals can be self-sustainable because payroll is low compared to the West.  Even for skilled workers like nurses, chaplains, and scrub technicians salaries of 250 dollars per month are very competitive. 

Second, in some countries there is national health insurance.  In Kenya as long as a patient is signed up for NHIF which costs less than 4 dollars per month all of their inpatient care and surgeries are paid for.   The reimbursements to the hospital are substantial and can more than cover patient expenses.  

Third, missionary doctors (who are free work and collect no salary) can not be counted on for the long term.  This is not an insult against lack of commitment by the missionary community but the realities of Westerners living in the developing world.  So many situations can arise including political instability, personal sickness, child-raising issues, lack of fund-raising, or change of mission focus are just a few reasons that may cause a sudden exit of a missionary doctor or the whole medical missionary staff.  What happens and at what level can a mission hospital function if the missionaries leave?  Mission hospitals must find a way to continue operating even if the missionary community leaves.    

Forth, mission hospitals can not rely on donations of finances, medical instruments, and supplies to stay afloat.  Donations are erratic for many reasons.   Financial donations rise and fall with the wayward economy of the West.  Some equipment is excellent and useable.  Other instruments are too technical and fragile to last in a dusty, high-use developing world environment without medical tech support. Some donated instruments are just plain out of date or non-functional and put in the category we call, “Junk for Jesus.”  Some donated items never arrive or are costly to import due to customs and taxes. Mission hospitals must find affordable streams of medical supplies in-country or in nearby places like India.

Fifth, mission hospital medical care in the developing world is often higher standard, more compassionate, and more expedient than the government hospitals. Certain patients will seek out the Mzungu (white) doctor for his or her expertise.   Some of these patients are middle class, have white collar jobs, and are able to pay for “private attention.”  Mission hospitals have a unique opportunity to capitalize off these “private” patients and charge fees that can subsidize the care for those patients that do not have the ability to pay.  

No.  

It is not reasonable nor should it be expected that a mission hospital could possibly be sustainable on patient fees alone.  Christian Mission Hospitals need and should be propped up by donations and the care given by missionary doctors for many reasons.  

First, the average Children’s Hospital in the USA relies on foundations and or donations at a rate of 30% of their overall budget.  If we don’t expect a hospital in the West to stand alone, how can we possibly expect our counterpart here in Africa to make it without help from outside donations.  

Second, operating a medical missions hospital is expensive.  Much more so than discipleship, church planting, or building a seminary.  It doesn’t make medical missions right or wrong, or better or worse just expensive.  Operating rooms, medicine, staff available 24 hours per day it all makes this type of ministry expensive.  To expect the meager fees to cover the operating expenses for things like hysterectomies, long term in-patient tuberculosis treatment, or out-patient medicines is not realistic.

Third, making the mission to treat “the least of these” in a hospital setting is a terrible financial decision, but glorious spiritual decision.  Mission hospitals target (as they should) the poor, the homeless, the jobless, the orphans, the widows, the rural farmers, the rejected (HIV+) who often have no income and no where else to go.  Patient fees are intentionally kept low such that no one is turned away.  Outpatient fees are often less than one dollar. A dental extraction costs less than 3 dollars.  A surgical c-section and in-patient stay is less than 100 dollars.   Despite honest work to round up money from family and community, patients often leave the hospital without paying and collection is rarely pursued (as expected).   Fifty percent of all Kenyans live as subsistence farmers on less than one dollar per day.   Keeping fees low to treat the poor and staying out of the red are diametrically opposite goals.  Business goals collide with spiritual goals.  Economics mixes strangely with ministry.   Biblical mandates (caring for the poor) contact paying the bills.     

Fourth, a noble goal of mission hospitals in nationalization.  That is training the national staff (nurses, doctors, administrators, technicians) to take over key positions in the hospital thereby replacing the missionary staff.  This is already happening at Kijabe.  Many of the consultants doctors, all the nursing staff, the CEO, and all the residents are African. This is a good thing!  But, no one wants to talk about the nasty hidden cost of nationalization of a mission hospital.  Missionary doctors (who work for free) are replaced with national doctors (who must be paid a reasonable salary or see them leave).  As mission hospitals become more nationalized they may rely further on donations to keep from sinking financially. 

I guess yes & no is the answer to "should mission hospitals be self-sustainable."  Likely, the right answer lies somewhere in between.  

TCK (Part II)

In 1990 the census determined that the total number of Americans living abroad is estimated at 3 million. The book ‘Third Culture Kids’ takes a needed look at understanding who they are, determining their profile, and estimating the best ways they can maximize their life.

Let me share a few interesting sections of this book that ring true with my experience with Missionary Kids (and Third Culture Adults) in Kenya the past 18 months.

1) They experience high mobility. In the past two years we have lived in 2 different countries, 3 different locations, and 5 different homes/apartments. We have all seen good friends come and go, some to return again some we will not see again. It can make people flexible and quick to initiate friendship on the flip side overly-protected.

2) There is a Painful/Realistic view of life. Poverty, sickness, neediness is ever-present. We hope this instills compassion and identity that we are “One in the Body” and not prejudice, blame, or simply fatigue.

3) There is a sense of Restlessness. Where is home? It can lead to a feeling of physical rootlessness but at the same time preserve the notion that home is not a physical place but an emotional place where you are loved by family.

4)TCK’s often develop many friendships because so many people come and go, but it is simply hard to maintain them all.
Five levels of friendship are specified:
a) Superficial- Small talk. How are you? Where are you from? How is the weather?
b) Still Safe- Exchanging no Risk Facts. Where did you go on Vacation?
c) Judgmental Level- We being to risk a few questions sharing opinions on religion, politics, child-rearing. d) Emotional Level- Sharing how they feel about life. I’m happy, depressed, anxious, homesick, encouraged. e) Disclosure Level- Revealing private ideas and difficult failures. Involves and honesty and vulnerability that leads to intimacy.

Most only have a few if not just one person who fits in the 'Disclosure' level of friendship. Some have no-one like this in which to share. TCK’s and TCA’s move quickly through levels a and b to reach c. Why? It may be a sense of urgency due to high mobility of friendships. It also may be cultural. Europeans are quick to launch into talks of politics which may be divisive. Americans look for common ground in sports, TV, movies.

5) TCK’s are quite comfortable talking to adults because they spend a lot of time with them. They can seem overly-mature for their age.

6) There is frequently unresolved grief due to the stresses of normal life in a developing world (death, isolation, anxiety). In these situations comfort is often confused with encouragement. Comfort says I can’t change things. Comfort puts and arm around a shoulder and just says I’m sorry. Comfort validates grief. Comfort gives grief permission. It recognizes that this grief is normal, understood, and that the griever is not alone. Encouragement presumes this situation will turn around. Encouragement tends to bypass grief, often unintentionally delegitimizing the grieving process.

7) Both spouses must favor the move to a third culture for it to work.

8) Kids need to be feel that the work there parents are doing is important. First they just need to know what Mom and Dad are doing at the hospital. Second, they need to know that at this time God has called not just Mom and Dad but our whole family to serve in Kenya. If there is no sense of calling, need, or justification for being here for the children, they may feel they have been absconded to a foreign country with no real reason.

9) Establishing a physical home in your home country is recommended.

10) Build strong ties with relatives and friends.

Lastly, you may find a few graphs taken from the book interesting.



Safety of missionaries (thankfully) has vastly improved.



A tendency towards TCK's who are in boarding school towards higher frequency visits at home with parents.



The trend is tending away from early boarding school.

The authors in my opinion decidedly refrained from offering a tight summary or study of how TCK’s function as adults. Making an assertion would oversimplify the complexity of growing up as a TCK and its affect on the rest of their life. It seems that each TCK has a distinct experience and would speak for themselves regarding how growing up in a Third Culture has affected their development.

10 Things We Miss About Home

I like lists. I’ve written a list of 50 things I want to do before I turn 50. I’m currently reading a book about lists (Checklist Manifesto by Atul Gwande) and how lists insure things are done right (maintaining safety in take-off of a Boeing 757, building a 80 floor skyscraper so it won’t fall over during high winds, placing central lines with low infection rates). I put lists around our dental clinic to remind our staff where things go, when things are to happen, and who is coming.

But I hesitate to write a list about missing...because it quickly transforms from what I miss (family, church, etc) to a pity story and/or complaint machine (bad African roads, inferior medical instruments breaking down, developing nation infrastructure, etc). Woe is me! I also wanted to wait until we lived in Kenya a substantial length of time (now 17 months) to figure out what I really missed (family) and things I could live without (Cinnamon Toast Crunch). I hope this list will share what we miss (because they are important parts of our life) and not come across as critical to Kenya, its people, or culture (We are blessed to be here with these good people). So here are the 10 things we miss about home in no particular order.

10- We miss the freedom to travel at night. Roads are not marked and cars often have one working headlight...that single headlight approaching may not be a motorcycle but a Lori (I also saw a motorcycle driving by flashlight), and bandits are about... it’s just not safe to drive at night. Where would we go if we could? Maybe a movie, a coffee shop, a book store, or out to dinner..with the girls falling asleep in the back in the dark on the way home and Sara and I talking.

9- We miss the seasons. The weather is 50-75 degrees daily, usually sunny, probably a lot like San Diego. The sun rises EVERYDAY (along with Meredith) at 6:15 AM and sets EVERYDAY at 7:15 PM (we are within driving distance of the equator). I could not tell you when the best month to harvest corn or plant tomatoes is and they may be the same month for all I know! The weather is so regular around Kijabe it can get a bit monotononous! What seasons do I miss?

We miss the authentic Autumn of Ohio with school resuming, the excitement of College Football, pumpkins on the porches, piles of leaves blowing down our sidewalk, the reds, yellows and orange of the Cuyahooga Valley National Park blurring together.

We miss the winter of Central Oregon with white snow, x-country skiing to Tumalo Falls, Christmas Lights, a warm fire at home, nice turns on the Outback lift at Bachelor, and a Fir Christmas trees that smells everything like Christmas should.

We miss the Spring in Portland and Seattle as the Crocus peak through even in late February, the blooming house size Rhododendrums, the scent of NW coffee (even though I don’t drink coffee), hiking in the Old Growth Forests, and wearing a Gortex coat in lieu of a umbrella like any proud Northwestener would do.

We miss the summer of the Puget Sound as the Ferries are passing by, the lakes are prime for water skiing and swimming, the ocean is alive, the daylight that extends just when you need it most to get in that last bike ride, jump shot, or walk to get ice-cream with the girls.

8- We miss our country. I didn’t expect this at all until we were at a conference about reverse culture shock and it was suggested that when repatriating strong emotions, tears, and love for your home country can emerge; and I realized I hadn’t seen our flag or sang our national anthem in over 16 months (this also coincided with the Winter Olympics). I became sad and proud of the USA at the same time. I wanted to pledge allegiance, sing the star-spangled banner, and read the Declaration of Independence all at once. Without being ethnocentric, jingoistic, or any other ‘ic’ I have become even more aware that the United States is strong, generous, honest, free, and amazing country to call home. I’m more proud to be and American citizen living in Africa than I ever have been before. I’ll leave it at that.

7- We miss the American health care system. I know the system in America has faults. I know health insurance is expensive. I realize too many people that want to be insured are not. But once you have a condition that requires surgery in a third world setting...you will yearn for any City Hospital in America compared to the best hospitals here (no criticism intended) in Africa. We have missed the nursing care, specialization, privacy, competency, compassion, cleanliness, and excellence that the American Health care system provides.

6- We miss not being with family and friends when they need us. We are sorry! We feel helpless here when back home someone we know has open heart surgery, misses out on job sorely desired, is working things out in a new relationship, faces an unknown future of transition, has health problems, is in the hospital for pre-term labor, is redefining family, is fired from a job, has a big test, is being scrutinized, has lost their house, lost a family member, has problems with their children, isn’t being heard, wonders where God is right now. All of this and more has happened to family and friends since we have been gone. Skyping, e-mail, blogging, and mobile phones are great inventions but vastly poor substitutes for a hug, prayer, shared tear, a word of encouragement, or a cup of coffee together. We are still praying for you. Thankfully, there are no physical boundaries that prevent God’s ability to answer prayers.

5- We miss being with family and friends during the great times. The other day Meredith said, “Daddy I miss my cousins.” I wondered which cousins she was talking about as she now has 7 cousins (two new since we have left) and two other we have met just twice. The little ones (cousins and friends) are growing and we have missed countless birthdays, 2 Christmases, wedding, new births, Summer Reunions, graduations, and much more. I have heard of missionaries that have prayed that “God would take their longing for their families and friends away, to help them better serve without distraction.” Hey, we have been blessed with great friends at Kijabe and Tenwek...but our thinking is not in that camp! Our friends and family back home (YOU) are irreplaceable. And though we know the party must go on without us...we think it would be a much better party with the Friess Family present!

4- We miss being connected. They say a missionary is at best at least a season behind and at worst forever stuck in the year they went out on the mission field. That either means we are still living in 2008 (I think ‘W’ is no longer President) or at best somewhere in the spring of 2009. Occasionally I see Western visitors coming wearing rolled-up pants, big sunglasses, loafers, v-neck sweaters, collars up, and bigger hair than I am used to (is this the 80’s again)....and I wonder why are they dressed so differently? But it happened so consistently I finally realized no Malin...you are the one that is out of style (which is no big suprise). If I could just find my pegged pants, hairspray, and Izod shirts from 8th grade!
We missed celebrating together as Americans the Winter Olympics Gold Medals and Inauguration of our new President. Just the same coming together for the Relief in Haiti and even the downturn in the economy and just trying to understand the implications of the health care reform.

3- Can we each have a few superficial things we miss? Chipotle Burrito (black beans, cilantro, white rice, beef), a smooth road (for driving or cycling), street lights, pop tarts, Philadelphia Cream Cheese, Cosco, March Madness, Borders Books, Nightly News, NBA Playoffs, and reliable internet.

2- And for Sara (a bit more refined)? Starbucks Coffee with friends, the convenience of Target, Panera Bread, a flat trail in which to run, NW Seafood, a great salad, and the Fine Arts (Broadway Musicals).

1- We miss our home churches? We miss worshiping with you through good music, engaging bible study, challenging sermons (Our home pastors are great and most any sermon they give could satisfy the 3AM phone call rule..Pastor what is your sermon about?...and they could give you the answer in one concise sentence!), and most of all your friendship. You are indeed glorifying God in how you worship. And also glorifying Him in your support of our family in Kenya.

Being called to be in Kenya now feels right, different, and far away from home all at once.

On Being a Missionary

When I grew up (Malin writing now) I always thought missionaries were kind of peculiar people.  Some summer sunday evening a missionary would come to share at our church.   They were always wearing awkward clothes and trying to get you to eat strange foods.  Then they would pray or preach in a foreign language.   I use to think that is great, but not for me.

   Here I am now, no Sara and I, no really Sara, Amelia, Meredith and myself living as missionaries.   God has called our whole family.  We, as a family, are trying to determine what that means together.   How will God shape us?  How will God use our hands in the dental clinic, in the hospital...and how will He use the smallest hands in our family as Meredith makes a friend?   

Touching Down in Nairobi

We left Whidbey Island at 7AM on Friday Nov 21st with two vehicles, lots of luggage, and two excited girls. The check-in process of our luggage and ticketing was uneventful. We had been prepared by other traveling physicians with only a one-way ticket to bring extra documentation from Samaritans Purse to clarify our reasons for traveling and eventual repatriation.
The 10 hour flight from Seattle to Amerstam went quicker than expected. Malin watched lots of movies. Amelia saw Peter Pan for the first time. Sara unfortunatly was struck with a severe bout of dizzyness (a side affect of malaria medication) compounded with motion sickness from the flight. Meredith walked between our seats and Nanna and Papa 5 rows to the back to burn energy until we found out she was waking other passengers.
In Amsterdam we had a two hour layover. Many tears were shed as we said a tearful goodbye to Sara's parents. Their itinerary took them on a later flight to Kenya and then on to Mombassa for mission service at a Christian Eye Clinic. We will miss them as they we a huge help getting us ready to go.
The flight to Nairobi was one hour late due to snow in Amsterdam and de-icing the plane. Overall we were very proud of our Amelia & Meredith behaved. Sara had an extra seat and was able to lie down with Meredith and try to sleep off the dizzyness. Eight hours later our plane touched down in Kenya at a warm 70 degrees at about 10 PM.
We were discouraged to see a terribly long line to get through customs. We were all wiped out and knew even after this line to get Visa's we still had to get our luggage through Customs. It seemed God knew this as well..as a man motioned us and another medical missionary family to new counter and we had our four visas within 5 minutes.
The Kenyans were very helpful gathering our luggage. We only had one action-packer searched and our family went through customs without problems. We packed into a van and were off to a Kenyan guest house to recuperate.
Just two miles from the airport our van broke down. We were prepared as Amelia had her handheld flashlight she was given from Papa! A replacement vehicle was found and at nearly midnight--some 30 hours of traveling we could sleep! But not for long. 4 AM struck and we were wide awake!
The last two days at the guest house have been a mixed bag. We are at this point with gratitude from the support and love we have received from friends and family. At the same time it becomes evident how really far away we are from the people we love.
We anxiously await tomorow as we will drive 200 miles to Tenwek Hospital!