Friday, October 1, 2010

Silence

I can't write much about the stress, anxiety, hurt and anger over an allegation that has been lodged at me--because this is a public forum not because I don't have a lot to say. So it will have to suffice that the allegation is serious and profoundly untrue, but simultaneously things are "missing" from the chart. Entrusting this in a system that is foreign to me and believing that all will be well feels impossible. I cry with the Psalmist, "Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer (Psalm 4:1)" and ask, "Why, O Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?(Psalm 10:1)" The silence aches in me, particularly late at night as I consider what could happen... and no one seems able to really answer that question. I long for reassurance that all will be well. Yet I hear nothing.

How much do I really trust God? After all Paul ended-up in jail, most of the disciples were beheaded as was John the Baptist, and Stephen was stoned. Things working out to God's glory doesn't necessarily entail a happy ending.

But somehow, some deep part of me, still believes that this is the middle of the story, where a lot has not been sorted out, and more needs to be said. So that when this story of wrongful accusation and preposterous claims is concluded God will right what is wrong, dishonesty and falsehood will be brought to light and I will somehow be able to, "It is well with my soul."

5 comments:

Christina said...

Praying with you, Sara, and feeling your heartache. Can't wait to see you tomorrow!

rachel said...

I'm praying for you, for peace in this time of turmoil. And I'm praying that the lies that lurk in the darkness will be exposed and that truth will prevail.

rachel
west chester, pa

Laffing Dawg said...

Joining you in prayer Sara. I have a similar story from my past. A woman I thought was a friend turned against me. She tried to take my home - God blessed me through that; she tried to get my job several times - God really blessed me there. When she failed and failed in her wicked attempts, and as I grew wearier and wearier and thinner and thinner and cried and cried while crying out and hoping God heard, and found my very existence in this world painful; she verbally and physically attacked me whenever her stalking found me out in public. She went after my nursing license and I was interrogated by the State Board for one whole day. I didn't think I would make it through that one and I felt God was so silent. But He was so faithful in the end and the State Board was amazing in what they saw and did for me. She is still out there but has been quiet for years. As people learned the detail (never from me but from watching what she did) they reached out in love to me. So, I do feel your pain and know what you are going through - my stomach is in a knot as I type this. I am so very sorry. When I am next in your company and I hug you, it will be with even more Love.

I am praying and praying specifically that you will feel God's love and know that the Truth always wins even tho we want it to happen sooner. You will never, ever be snatched out of God's hands, rest in that.

LOve, Kathy in Bend

alittlebitograce said...

i am praying that the peace of God that passes all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. I'm also praying that truth will prevail. *hugs*

Anonymous said...

Forgive them and forgive Kenya, "For they know not what they do." While you forgive, defend truth with utter tenacity. Demand the help of your allies and speak out in defense of your caring and medical judgement in a crisis. Chris.