I can't write much about the stress, anxiety, hurt and anger over an allegation that has been lodged at me--because this is a public forum not because I don't have a lot to say. So it will have to suffice that the allegation is serious and profoundly untrue, but simultaneously things are "missing" from the chart. Entrusting this in a system that is foreign to me and believing that all will be well feels impossible. I cry with the Psalmist, "Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer (Psalm 4:1)" and ask, "Why, O Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?(Psalm 10:1)" The silence aches in me, particularly late at night as I consider what could happen... and no one seems able to really answer that question. I long for reassurance that all will be well. Yet I hear nothing.
How much do I really trust God? After all Paul ended-up in jail, most of the disciples were beheaded as was John the Baptist, and Stephen was stoned. Things working out to God's glory doesn't necessarily entail a happy ending.
But somehow, some deep part of me, still believes that this is the middle of the story, where a lot has not been sorted out, and more needs to be said. So that when this story of wrongful accusation and preposterous claims is concluded God will right what is wrong, dishonesty and falsehood will be brought to light and I will somehow be able to, "It is well with my soul."