My Top 3 Cultural Blunders

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.
Elbert Hubbard

My wife could verify that 1) I'm not at all afraid to make cultural blunders and 2) I am quite proficient in doing so. My top 3 cultural blunders:

3) The Interlock-I find a seat at hospital morning chapel and settle into singing the Kenyan praise song, "We will praise you in the morning, We will praise you in the noontime, we will praise in the evening, we will praise you all the time." We finish singing and the pastor requests that we hold hands with our neighbors. So I reluctantly (like every man feels) go in for the clasp handshake with the man to my right and the man to my left. I'm thinking the only decision here is: Do I go palm forward or palm backward? Oh no. It's much different here in Kenya. My neighbor goes for the interlock...every finger no less and even the thumbs. And it was a good prayer the pastor prayed, but also such a long, long prayer. I still believe it was the longest prayer I've ever head in my life.

2) The Air Shake - The first thing I tell any Western visitor is that greeting Kenyans by shaking hands is very important. A simple hello, or nod...just does not work here in Kenya. Even if you enter a room with 20 strangers...you still take the time to shake every one of their hands even the children. I'm pretty much a hand-shaking madman now. I shake when we meet, some time in the middle of the conversation, and at least once or twice as we leave just to cover all my bases. It was my second day in the dental clinic and the following lady was my patient I went in right-handed for a hearty handshake and came up empty...a complete air shake. Strange...I thought. Next to her was her mother so I tried again with a right palm coming up high with my hand near my ear and swooping down right in front of her waist. But nothing...the patient's mother didn't even raise her hand. Another air shake. Before I could manage strike 3 in hands shakes with her sister...a kind Kenyan pulled me aside to say, "Somali woman do not shake hands with men."

1) The Kiondo -I really had some heavy dental supplies that were donated that I wanted to bring up to the dental clinic. I had seen many Kenyans using a Kiondo to carry fruit and vegetable with the strap around their forehead. I was told that using the head and the muscles of the neck with the weight of the material on your back is the best way to carry a heavy load. So I loaded up my Kiondo with dental anesthetic and instruments and walked up to the hospital. Well, have you ever had a moment where everyone is looking your direction and pointing and laughing and so you turn 180 degrees to look behind to see what is so funny...and then you realize there is nothing behind you but wide open space. And then you know they are laughing at you and you have to turn back around and acknowledge their laughter. So thanks...only later did I find out that men do not carry anything in Kenya (even their child)...and especially not a Kiondo strapped around their head.

Does anyone have a cross-cultural blunder they would like to share?

The Don't Song

I want to post this 3 minute video (Sara found it) but a link will have to do.   If you are married, and you occasionally have a hard time holding your tongue, then you will enjoy this video.  How many of the don'ts are you guilty of? If only I could have seen this video before I was married!

http://www.ignitermedia.com/products/IV/singles/886/The-Dont-Song

We Three Kings...

           Maybe these 3 Kenyans wearing Masai blankets and riding camels were getting an early July start on their way to Bethlehem from Kenya?  It isn't so strange to see camels in Kenya, but usually in Mombassa for tourists to take a ride along the beach.  But these camels came in behind Amelia, Meredith, Sara, and I in front of the hospital on our walk to Amelia's school.   One more good reason to come visit at Kijabe- when and where else would you get a chance to ride a two-hump camel?

9 Ways To Identify A Missionary (Part II)

(I’m trying something different. There are plenty of blogs with political satire, parenthood satire, celebrity satire, but no missionary satire that I’m aware of.  This should be funny.)

6-  All missionaries have a prayer card and we never look that good in real life.  You know what I am talking about those cards with photos of the missionary family smiling, a snappy phrase up above, and always an “if you would like to partner in our ministry” that we all have sent out or given to you.  We really do wonder...,do they make it on anyone’s fridge?     

This is our Prayer Card....

     A more typical picture of our family (minus the giraffe) might look something like the above.  Sara is squeezed out of the picture, Amelia has a pouty face, Meredith is scared, and Malin has his eyes closed.

7- Missionaries have particularly white skin. I mean most western missionaries are white. But after living on the equator in year round sun at 6000 feet we have no excuse in Kenya to be looking like we just spent a winter in Fargo, North Dakota.  If part of being a missionary is blending in with the culture.  Its time to get just a little tan.  We need to go cross-cultural with our epidermis.

   

8-Missionaries sound different.  If I were to say to my patient,  “How can I help you?  What’s going on with your tooth?” it would elicit a blank stare from my Kenyan patients (I know my Swahili should be better).  But if I were to say, “Tell me where the pain is biting you.  Are your teeth shaking? Do you have potholes in your teeth?  Do you want your tooth upended?” I’d be understood and a nudge to the offending tooth.   We adapt to be understood. 

9-Missionaries have big families.  More Kids means More Money.  It’s true.  Missionaries may be the only occupation I know of who earn an instant raise the moment they have another child.  Almost all mission agencies (appropriately so) set a monthly stipend for their missionaries based upon the size of their family.  Little Johnny is born and Bam... up goes their salary.  I always though the Duggar family with 19 kids and counting (featured on TLC network) would be a great missionary family (I don’t think Jon and Kate and their 8 would still make the cut).   Why would the Duggars be great missionaries?   The Duggars are Christian.  They built their own house.  They homeschool.  Because of their publicity as reality TV stars I think they could easily raise support.  And my rough calculations show that with 19 children the Duggars would be living comfortably at a 200 K plus stipend per year, and their family is just getting started.  And can you imagine sitting between the Duggar kids on a 12 hour plane ride to Amsterdam?

Locusts

And the LORD said to Moses, "Stretch out your hand over Egypt so that locusts will swarm over the land and devour everything growing in the fields, everything left by the hail."  So Moses stretched out his staff over Egypt, and the LORD made an east wind blow across the land all that day and all that night. By morning the wind had brought the locusts; they invaded all Egypt and settled down in every area of the country in great numbers. Never before had there been such a plague of locusts, nor will there ever be again.  They covered all the ground until it was black. They devoured all that was left after the hail—everything growing in the fields and the fruit on the trees. Nothing green remained on tree or plant in all the land of Egypt. (Exodus 10)

I don't even know if these bugs are Locusts.  Maybe a biologist out there can identify this green thing.    But whatever these palm-sized grasshopper look-a-likes are called they have infested our house and Kijabe in general.  OK is not quite a Biblical Plague, but these beady eyed green long-legged critters have found their way into our bathtub, bed, Mocha's doggie bowl, towels, the dental clinic, the back of our car, and on Meredith's baby doll (which she found very scary).

On Call

Sara is on call this weekend until Monday morning. We as a family stay near the hospital and Sara carries her pager wherever she goes and sleeps much lighter. Call seems to be one of the most controversial (let's count the call schedule for the month including holidays), tiresome (I'll be working the next day too), and challenging (where is the needed surgical staff and residents at night) parts of being a physician.

I make jokes as a dentist that I take call 24/7 in case of an avulsed tooth, dislocated jaw, dental cellulitis. It can be demanding, but I bear this burden and they have yet to give me a pager at Kijabe....but I don't get as much as a smile from my physician colleagues.

Sara's call can vary from just a few phone calls regarding patient management that she can coordinate from home to being up all night in Theatre doing c-sections, treating patients with bleeding, shock, seizure, coding, etc.

One of Sara's least favorite parts of Call is the dark walk past the cemetery, around the open field of trees, around the pediatric tent, into the main gain with sleeping guards (knock, knock, to wake them up), through the noisy gale force winds of the Kijabe night to the Maternity Ward.

Sara's good friend brought back Mace. This is no ordinary Mace. It comes with 10% Pepper Spray (maximum strength) and Finger Grip Dispenser for maximum accuracy. We hope Sara never has to discharge her weapon, but beware this deterrent is Hot Pink!

Doing Green in Kenya (with a touch of humor)

I’m (Malin writing) really the last one to ask about going “green”, environmentalism, or global warming. To be honest I always really really wanted to be “green” (kind of like I always wanted to be a morning person), but it never clicked (or maybe I never committed to what it required).

I never mastered recycling; can I recycle magazines, do I need to clean out the milk jug first, what color container for disposables? I prefer Costco and Wendy’s to Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods. I like making a camp fire and burning wood even when there is no point. I take long hot showers in the morning. I love red meat and would eat it 3 meals a day if I could. Don’t ask me what my carbon footprint is, all I know is I wear a size 8, (40 UK).

But I tell you I have really tried to “go green.” I even saw Al Gore’s “Inconvenient Truth,” and although it was nifty to watch our former Vice-President raised into the sky by a construction lift next to his life-size global warming graph, but I’m skeptical when provocative claims (New York will be under water in a decade) are used to motivate change. The last time I was at a trendy coffee shop in Oregon, I went green and ordered a fois grass latte and couldn’t down the first swallow. I saw the McDonald’s documentary “Super-size It” and even though my mind was greatly convinced, my stomach can’t resist a large order of french fries. I even tried Namaste Yoga at a spiffy spa- but in the midst of ohming..I realized I couldn’t touch my toes. For goodness sakes, I have lived in both uber-green cities Portland and Seattle and have never set foot inside a vegetarian restaurant.

Regardless, it is clear that God asks us to be Stewards of the world he has given to us: “The Earth is the Lord’s and all that is in it, the world, and those who live in it” (Ps. 24:1).

So here in Africa (even though for the vast majority of Kenyans the task of simply living does not afford the luxury of environmental concerns) we as a family I think are making many good “green” decisions. I guess I call them decisions, even if most are decisions out of necessity (Hey, I’m doing my best).

We walk to work, school, church, friend’s houses, and the local dukas.
We are partial locavores (we buy and eat year-round available fresh produce from the “vegetable ladies.”)
Our milk we drink for lunch was probably in the udder of Daniel’s Cow just a few hours ago.
We have a Shamba and grow our own lettuce, potatoes, thyme, carrots, and onions.
We are a 1 car family. I think we drive perhaps one of the most fuel efficient Missionary cars in Kenya. Our Toyota Corolla often gets strange looks from police when they see our family in tow...as these vehicles here are frequently used as taxis.
We have solar panels on our roof that reliably (as long as we have a couple hours of sun) provide the majority of our hot water needs.
Lastly, perhaps to your surprise my hair-care needs do not require aersol hairsprays. Don’t worry I stay far away from BPP’s, DVT’s, HDL’s and all those other nasty acronyms.

And please help me out. If there are any green trends that have caught-on back in the States in the last 14 months, keep me in the loop. I’m behind as it is and need all the help I can get.

Stuck in the Mud

Wednesdays the dental team and eye team drive the Tenwek bus out to rural health dispensaries for outreach.  The dental team provides extractions of diseased teeth and the eye team screens for cataract and glaucoma.

   Last week after a successful trip (we saw over 25 grateful patients) our driver choose a different route back to Tenwek. As you can see the bus got stuck. We pushed,  Leonard (our dental technologist) pulled, we dug out tires, we placed rocks under the wheels--all without luck. 

   We prayed and down the road came a tractor with a chain.  We were back on the road.

      The next day I gave a lecture on Dental Triage--and suggested before we can do outreach to patients, it may be the dental team that needs to be reached out to in the first place.